Not the best day

I just logged into Dad's desktop on the computer (Yes, he. mom and I share a desktop) and found that he had colorized a photo of a cousin, and now I 'm crying, again...) I wasn't even aware that he knew how to use this computers paint program.

I knew this was going to be a tough day. Aside from the fact that there was an inspection at work, so we have all had to deal with that stress over the past week and a half, it was the first time I saw some of my coworkers after dad died. It started when "S" whose own dad died suddenly from a heart attack came in and asked how I was doing, and then asked if she hugged me I'd break down (I would). Then later, another coworker, who texted me within hours after finding out, did hug me and offered her condolences. I made through that okay, but I knew it was just building up for later.  (BTW, we made it through the inspection okay)


 It was my first chiropractic appointment since he died. You are probably asking why this would make a difference, but he went to Dr. John first, for years before I went to him, and was with me when I went to my first appointment. (Even as a 30 year old adult, I took my dad with me to a doctors appointment). I knew I needed to go, between dad's death and all the stress at work because of an inspection, my upper back and shoulders were killing me. But, I didn't want the sympathy, it seems like I'm fine, and then someone mentions it (and it came up a few times today) and then I fall apart. I managed to hug from Dr. John, and hearing he was one of his first patients, with only a few tears welling, but at the end when the receptionist hugged me and told what a good guy he was I broke down. Maybe it was the culmination of the day, or just a product of the process of grief, but it was not the best day...

I'm still having moments when it feels like it isn't real, but then I remember.