visual memory

I have always had a visual memory. When I was in college I would study for tests by rereading notes over and over front to back. By test time, all I would have to do was close my eyes and I could mentally see the information I needed as it was written in my notes.

My first memory is an image of my right hand with blood on it from an IV (I figure I was about 2 years at that time)

My grandmother had a stroke (which she eventually died from) when I was 13. My main memory from that time is going to the hospital and placing my hand on her right shoulder as she was laying in the hospital bed while my dad said I was there. I can still see my hand on her shoulder.

All this leads to the mental image that is currently haunting me. I can still see dad lying (dead) in the ER hospital bed, with the breathing tube in his mouth. The tape holding it to his face. Watching the color change on his hand (for some reason I had been staring at his hand for most of the time). It’s been a month (yesterday) and part of me is wondering if these images will fade, but I am doubting that since my memory is so visual. I can’t remember smells or tastes, but some images seem to stay with me forever. I guess in some ways it is a good thing, I’m not sure I want or should want to forget, but sometimes these images pop up in my brain and they feel like a curse.